Rebecca Solnit once again making the case for hope as a form of resistance. “There is one hummingbird on the power line outside the window of the room I’m writing this in, in the middle of San Francisco, and this work is worth it just for hummingbirds.”
“We need to understand the worst-case scenarios and the suffering and loss happening now, so we know what we’re trying to prevent. But we need to imagine the best case scenarios, so we can reach for them too.” my imagination of best case has been lacking in recent years: too much cynicism.
when I had Italian on Tuesday, my teacher (in Rome) had been indoors for three days. she thinks everyone in the UK is insane for still going outside, told me not to go to work and if I had to, I should at least cycle and not get on public transport.
it’s good the weather has cheered up, isn’t it? that’s why I’ve been cycling to work every day since Tuesday!
moving team next week to join GOV.UK for a bit. quite pleased about this because I imagine international work will be a bit quiet for a while. plus, I get to work with Kate, Stephen, Ignacia, Conor, Mia and Jeremy! ace.
also, back in a dream team with Jen, which means I can draw identity assurosauri (?) on post-its and leave them on her stuff while she’s off at important meetings. sure, you cut Jen and she bleeds GOV.UK, but I’m not going to let her forget her identity creds.
“I live in fear of anyone asking me to actually do the work” “yeah, that’s how I feel about service design” -> after more than 2 years of majority ‘leadership’ and 'stakeholder management’ I am both excited and terrified to do what I sometimes call 'real work’ again.
at 6pm today I got a text from Leo saying that Control by GoodBooks is back on Spotify. that’s after around three years off it - Columbia’s copyright expired 10 years after release, if I remember correctly. thank you Leo for all your work! still deeply proud of this record and my part in it. management remains one of the most formative experiences of my life.
there’s a lush moment where in Violent Man Lovesong, about 2m30 in, and Max sings “within a frame of goldleaf”. still so nice.
back in things that didn’t happen 13 years ago, one of the best bits of my week was a long chat with Sanjay yesterday afternoon. I had a talk to finish cutting down from 45 to 10 minutes, and dinner with friends to be at, but it was such a delight to see him that I didn’t want to cut it short. I’m not going to say that one of the best bits of line management is when they leave, because it isn’t, but seeing the people you line managed after the fact is great: back on a level of human-to-human, rather than any odd power dynamics being in the mix.
back to GoodBooks: I think my feelings towards managing them are probably, approximately, what I imagine parenthood must feel like. fiercely proud and protective. wanting the best. advocating always. we had our fair share of challenging each other, but it was never and has never been in doubt: I will always, always go out to bat for you.
sounds kinda creepy when it’s spelled it out like that. I guess this is why I get annoyed when what feels like needless bureaucracy gets in the way of what I want for 'my people’.
schadenfreude is one of an Arsenal fan’s primary currencies. obviously I hope the Premier League season isn’t cancelled, because if it was that would be terrible for public health (pls get better Mikel). I still sent a text this morning that said 'lol Liverpool’.
just full of bad energy this week. didn’t want to write these at all. but there we go.
one of the things I think about a lot around ‘leadership’ is kind of based on Paul Ford’s post about how irony doesn’t scale. essentially boiling down to, how do you provide 'air cover’ (urgh, military analogies) for people around you - and a lot of the time, I reckon, it’s just about keeping your mouth shut about things you’re exposed to or know that might frustrate others and they don’t need to know about them anyway, because all being well, it’ll go away without them ever knowing. anyway. I felt like I oscillated between being good and bad at this this past week.
not trying to turn these into therapy notes but often it ends up being the thing I think about for a lot of the week. this week’s session saw me searching my emails for a memory prompt afterwards and it threw up an email from James. suddenly felt slightly hit in the stomach with grief for the next 20 minutes, had a cry on the train, and arrived at work in a bit of a daze. it reminded me of Tonkin’s circle of grief: it doesn’t get smaller, life just grows around it. I’m still annoyed that he is gone.
made a biryani from the Dishoom book yesterday. different to but also not quite as good as the Bon Appetit one I made in early Jan. bit too greasy, this one (maybe I didn’t drain the fried onions well enough), but also, biryanis, what a hassle.
Will left on Friday. I think we gave him a good send off. we’ll miss you Will!
Service Design in Gov looked like it was well good. I was sad not to be there and would have liked to see both Will and Cassie’s talks.
asked my mum if she remembered what I wanted to be when I grew up, when I was a kid. my memory was that I wanted to be an author. she said she remembered a holiday in France with my grandma, when we went to buy bread and then I spent nearly all morning there on the floor counting centimes. “Grandma thought you were going to grow up to be the governor of the Bank of England!”. is it too late? Mark Carney leaves next week, have they replaced him yet?
Jones of Brockley, a fancy food shop, has opened in East Dulwich. their blood oranges are cheaper than SMBS’s. time moves fast: can’t believe I’ve missed Seville oranges and also pretty much missed forced rhubarb this year just through not paying attention. wild garlic, Jersey royals and aspargus soon (ish) though right? ish.
I’ve had two nightmares about getting on planes. hugely excited to stay grounded for at least another week after working out last Friday that I’ve been in flight for over 60 hours in the past month. that’s before hanging around in airports or getting to them. the flygskam is strong.
also the White Pube on supporting arts inclusivity when you’re privileged. “something i’ve said before but worth repeating: ‘ask yourself how much you want the world to progress vs. how much you want to be SEEN as someone who wants the world to progress.’ It shouldn’t be about you and you know that. It should be about our generation as a collective and pulling each other up so we can dismantle the whole thing n start it again but better.”
talked to a friend about work this week who said to me “remember what [friend] said to me a few years ago: you’re not Jesus.” I mentioned this to my therapist and I have never seen someone try so hard to suppress laughter.
time in the market over timing the market, people. a guy on the overground this morning had a mask, a scarf around the mask, and disposable gloves on. I am not that person, but somehow I have taken on coronavirus paranoia enough that I’m trying to stop touching my face. it’s really hard!
Arsenal, though. why do we even. it’s the hope that kills you, etc.
I’ve never cracked the wallet / purse problem. I prefer to carry things in my pockets rather than in a bag, but carrying individual cards and change loose feels like a falling-out-of-pocket disaster waiting to happen. as of last week I am now putting an elastic band around the cards I carry. it’s minimalist genius, I’ve been laughed at at least twice for it, and it was all C’s idea anyway. come at me haters, it’s only one branded elastic band and an Instagram ad away from commercial riches.
restarted Italian lessons after a few months off while my teacher brought up a child. she’s pleased that I appear to be better at Italian than when we left off. that’s all thanks to Duolingo and speaking Italian more at home. turns out practice works!